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04 October 2010 @ 11:49 pm
Fic: How to Give a Million  
Title: How to Give a Million
Iron Man
#4:Million; 20_fics , Table 4, Iron Man: Tony/Pepper
"No, seriously, Pepper, what would you do with a million dollars?" Tony's latest scheme has Pepper flustered… and exacting her own special revenge.
: Tony/Pepper
1,500 words
As y'all get two for one, a cute one for the road. ;) (No, seriously, I was on the road as I wrote this.)

"Ah, c'mon, Potts. It'll be harmless."

She heaved an exasperated sigh. "Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I'd be a millionaire. And then I would—" But she caught herself, halting there and shaking her head.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but—" Tony stopped too. "Wait, then you'd what?"

Pressing her lips firmly together, Pepper shook her head and started straightening the piles of papers on the desk. "Nothing."

"No, seriously, what would you do with a million dollars?" he asked. That off-handed comment had sparked his interest – especially since she was now trying to deny it. What was she trying to hide?

But she just looked up at him with that firm, unwavering gaze of control. "Mr. Stark, if you don't mind, I have work to do," she said. She folded her hands firmly on the desktop, sitting up straight. "You know, trying to run a company and all here."

"Fine." He gave in then only because he knew he never won against this "you-will-do-what-I-say-now-and-like-it" Pepper and also because his evil genius plans were already at work inside his head.


The infuriated call of his name was followed by the rhythmic click-click-click of angry heels descending the staircase to the workshop.

Tony turned off the blowtorch and flipped up his dark protective goggles just in time to see a red-faced – seriously, damn her face was almost the same color as her hair – Pepper storming across the workshop toward him. She was waving a small piece of paper in her hand.

"What. Is. This?" she demanded, thrusting the piece of paper at him.

He grinned, not even bothering to examine the blue paper she held before his eyes. "It's your paycheck."

"What does it say on it?"

He blinked up at her innocently. "It says, 'Pay to the order of Virginia Potts.'"

"Tony…" Her voice was menacingly low.

He still maintained his innocent appearance as he answered, "It says $1 million."

"Why the hell did you write me a check for a million dollars?" she demanded. The flush hadn't left her face – in fact, it may have gotten worse. She'd gone from a pinkish red to a darker color.

Tony swallowed – that angry look was making him slightly nervous… But he had to maintain his ground. "As CEO of Stark Industries, you are entitled to a much heftier paycheck than before," he said calmly. "Including some serious back pay."

She huffed. "There's no way I'm cashing this."

"Why not?" he demanded. "It's not like you don't deserve it."

Sighing, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Tony, they're going to think I robbed a bank or something."

He shrugged. "So what? You're the one with the million dollars; tell them to mind their own business."He grinned again. "Plus I'll totally fess up to writing that check for you."

Eyes narrowing, she ripped up the check into a million tiny pieces right in front of his eyes, letting the confetti pieces drift into his lap. With that, she turned on her heel and began to march from the room.

"What, do you prefer cash?"

She stopped and spun around, eyes narrowing to slits in his direction. "So help me God, if you try to give me a million dollars in cash, I will accept it as payment for murdering you."

He took her advice and didn't give it to her in cash.

It took quite some maneuvering – Pepper was quite cautious and secretive with her personal information – but with the help of JARVIS and some seriously illegal hacking, Tony managed to wire the money straight into Pepper's bank account.

He was in his closet, attempting to choose which shirt would have the most resistance to blood stains, when a voice thundered through the house.


The anger level of the voice and the horse-like clomp of feet up the stairs had him looking for an exit other than straight toward her—exit, exit, exit…—

Too late.

She stomped around the corner, barefoot, and he was cornered—

Lightning-fast superhero reflexes narrowly saved him from a very, very dangerous high heel to the head. As it was, it grazed his bare shoulder.

"Hey!" he protested.

"WHY did my bank call me at 7:15 a.m. to confirm a million-dollar transfer?"

He remained cowering near the back corner, but he dared to grin at her from under an arm raised for protection. "Because you tore up the check and you don't take cash," he responded simply. "I had to resort to alternate means."

This time, the shoe was thrown harder and the heel actually left a long scratch down his upraised arm.

"Hey!" he protested again. "STOP that! Look, now you have a dollar for every time I told you… errr… whatever it was; I forgot." He stabbed a threatening finger in her direction. "And don't you dare try to transfer it back – I'm sure the outbound transfer already raised enough eyebrows. Let's not start a federal investigation here."

She gave a half-shriek-half-groan of mixed fury and frustration. "Tony, do you have any idea what accounting is going to say or the taxes I'm going to have to pay on that now?"

His grin faded. That hadn't occurred to him. "Oh. Well… consider that a method of spending part of the money. Then use the rest to do whatever it is you'd do with a million dollars." His grin became downright wicked. "You know, none of this would've ever happened if you'd just told me what you were going to say."

The groan-shriek was definitely more like a shriek this time. "Tony, you are impossible."

He just grinned. "That's why you love me."

Rolling her eyes, she turned on her (now-bare) heel and began to storm out of his closet.

"Oh, and Pepper?" he called. She stopped and glared back over her shoulder at him. He grinned yet again – he really was enjoying this too much – and winked. "Don't spend it all in one place."

Out of heels, one of his own Italian leather shoes came flying at his face and nailed him right between the eyes.

She ended up by spoiling most of his fun by donating away the majority of it and sliding a chunk into her 401(k). He was also fairly certain that she reinvested a hefty sum in Stark Industries.

It was only a week later that he found out – because of course he still had JARVIS keeping loose, unintrusive tabs on Pepper's bank account for interesting updates – that she had made a $110,000 purchase from somewhere in Washington. He was anxiously awaiting a revelation of what it was, but after a week, even a passing mention of the super-secret item had yet to appear.

Until, during Happy's week off, he walked with Pepper to where her car was waiting in front of the house.

He stopped cold when he saw what was sitting in his driveway.


Pepper, who hadn't missed a step, raised an eyebrow at him from over her shoulder. "What is what?" she asked innocently.

He jabbed a finger at the bright yellow abomination sitting nonchalantly in his driveway. "THAT. What is that?" he demanded.

Unlocking the door, she blinked at him, still feigning innocence that he knew was beyond her. "It's the Tango T600," she replied matter-of-factly. "It's environmentally friendly and a fairly substantial tax write-off," her expression hardened, one brow lowering, "which, of course, I need right about now."

His lip curled in disgust. "For $100,000, you couldn't have gotten a better car?" he groused. "At least a Tesla Roadster or even a Chevy Volt for half that? That thing looks like the Audi swallowed a real car and crapped that garbage out."

There was a triumphant glimmer in Pepper's eyes as she smirked subtly at him. "It's my money, and I'll spend it how I choose."

Damn it, she had him there. "Fine, but I am not getting in that thing!" he pronounced.

She shook her head. "It's not my fault that you only trust me and Happy to drive you around these days." She was already opening the door and folding the driver's seat to reveal the single passenger seat behind it. The damn thing was only one seat wide!

His eyes bulged with surprise and anger at her nonchalance. "I am not getting in that thing!" he repeated. He defiantly turned away and marched back toward the garage.

Before he'd taken a good give steps, Pepper had grabbed him from behind by a fistful of jacket and shirt. "Just where do you think you're going, Mr. Stark?"

He kept attempting the determined march despite the weight against him. "I'm going to get the Cobra," he growled. "I need a good shot of testosterone after just looking at that horrible excuse for a vehicle."

Her grip on his back tightened to the point where he could pull no further. "Do you even know where we're going and what you're doing today?"

"Well, of course, I do. I'm…" Damn.

Sitting strapped into the tiny passenger seat by a five-point harness that belonged in a tougher vehicle, Tony grumbled to himself and kept his head down. Trying to outsmart Pepper wasn't such a good idea after all.

A/N 2: Seriously, y'all, check out the Tango T600. That is one ugly-ass car. Some $108,000 joke. Also, ironically, when writing this, I discovered that Tony actually has a Tesla Roadster prototype in his garage in IM1. XD

Comments are love!

Mood: exhaustedexhausted
skye3: RDJ hotnessskye3 on October 5th, 2010 06:14 am (UTC)
hahaha! that was fun! pepper hitting tony with shoes was very hilarious.

and yeah, that is one ugly car! lol
monkey_junkeymonkey_junkey on October 5th, 2010 09:30 am (UTC)
"So help me God, if you try to give me a million dollars in cash, I will accept it as payment for murdering you."

Best. Pepper line. Ever. And so perfect for their dynamic!
Nerca Beyulnerca_beyul on October 20th, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
XD Thank you. :)
Invaderk: Tony and Pepper Study Magnetisminvaderk on October 5th, 2010 11:29 am (UTC)
He was in his closet, attempting to choose which shirt would have the most resistance to blood stains, when a voice thundered through the house.

I seriously lol'ed. This is a great piece! I can just picture Tony trying to shrink below the window of that hideous car. xD

Well-done! Solid writing, great characterizations. :D
Nerca Beyul: Burn Notice - Mike ;)nerca_beyul on October 20th, 2010 02:33 am (UTC)
XD I know, I make myself laugh every time I think of him in that car. I'd be incensed at having to ride in that car -- I can't imagine Tony being anything short of outraged and utterly shamed.

:) Thanks for reading & commenting.
tonpep1tonpep1 on October 5th, 2010 04:47 pm (UTC)
That is the stupidest looking car I have ever seen!!! But LOL at the fact Tony had to ride in it. This was a really cute story, it made me laugh.
Nerca Beyul: Iron Man - Pepperony kissnerca_beyul on October 20th, 2010 02:20 am (UTC)
No kidding! I wouldn't even want to ride in that ugly little thing! But lol, a FF.Net reviewer suggested I Photoshop RDJ into one, and now I'm intrigued by the idea. ;)

Thanks for reading & commenting!
k9paw: K9k9paw on October 5th, 2010 05:49 pm (UTC)
He was in his closet, attempting to choose which shirt would have the most resistance to blood stains, when a voice thundered through the house.

OMG that was so much fun! Go Pepper! Always one step ahead of Stark, Tango or no! ;)

Nerca Beyul: Iron Man - Pepperony got backnerca_beyul on October 20th, 2010 02:16 am (UTC)
Pepper knows Tony way too well not to be constantly ahead of him. ;)

Thanks for reading and commenting!
Mara: Iron Man - Tony | You complete meluckytohaveher on October 5th, 2010 07:51 pm (UTC)
"I'm going to get the Cobra," he growled. "I need a good shot of testosterone after just looking at that horrible excuse for a vehicle."

Oh my god, Pepper is EVIL. I mean Tony is the ultimate car enthusiast. I'd pay to see his expression while she drives him around in that thing!

Ahahahahahaha, god this made my day. Loved it!

Nerca Beyul: Country - Trucks are for girls!nerca_beyul on October 20th, 2010 02:13 am (UTC)
:D I know. I'm a girl and I get macho about cars (electric cars aren't real cars; and especially about trucks: Real trucks are full-sized, V8s and four-wheel drive). I'd be angry at that car. I'd have to be forced to ride in it. I can't imagine a dude -- especially one like Tony who's got the dough to flesh out the habit -- being any less than incensed and horrified.
Nina: pepper fucking potts!ninamazing on October 5th, 2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
Ahahahahahahaha. NICE. ;)